The Status Game

In our lowest moments, we should remind ourselves of the truth of the dream: that life is not a story, but a game with no end. This means it isn't a final victory we should seek but simple, humble progress: the never-ending pleasure of moving in the right direction. Nobody wins the status game. They're not supposed to. The meaning of life is not to win, it's to play.

Doing your own thing takes imagination and courage, but as long as you're being useful, and not breaking sacred rules, you have the potential to rise. Originality also makes it more difficult for rivals to catch you. This should be a relief to those of us who obsess, damagingly, over our failure to be perfect. Often, a better strategy lies in trying to be different.

Asking whether immigration or neoliberalism or religion are 'good' or 'bad' is nonsensical. It's pure status play. Which moral class we assign them depends on which game we happen to be playing. The truth of such complex phenomena is usually that they're trade-offs: they have an array of positive and negative effects that impact different status games in different ways.

Researchers find, in individualist societies, 'evoking freedom' can have significant power to persuade. In one study, telling a stranger they were 'free to accept or refuse' a request for money for bus fare increased compliance from 16 to 40 per cent. I suspect this is largely down to status: if someone feels coerced into doing the 'right' thing, even if gently, they've only agreed out of dominance. This means the status isn't theirs to enjoy, it's with the player to whom they've deferred. But if they believe they've decided freely, they're not weak but virtuous and so able to rightfully enjoy their generosity's reward.

It's easy to forget we have status to give, that it costs nothing and it never runs out. Creating small moments of prestige means always seeking opportunities to use it. Allowing others to feel statusful makes it more likely they'll accept our influence. Whether we're asking a favour or issuing a task to a subordinate, it's advisable to resist even subtle markers of dominance, allowing them to reach the 'correct' decision without putting them under pressure. If they sense they've had no choice in the matter, they're robbed of the gift of feeling good about their action.

For leaders, this warmth, sincerity, competence rule is slightly different. Whilst warmth can certainly be advisable, especially when dealing with pampered elites, it's perhaps more critical to show zeal on behalf of the game. Throughout history, leaders have succeeded by telling a story that says their group is deserving of more status, which, under their direction, they'll win. But it remains important this evangelical passion doesn't morph into arrogance. No one likes a big shot.

Practice Warmth, Sincerity, and Competent There are three major routes to status in human games: we can grab it in acts of dominance or we can earn prestige by proving ourselves useful to our group, with acts that signal virtue or success. When we're warm, we imply we're not going to use dominance; when sincere, that we're going to play fairly; when competent, that we're going to be valuable to the game itself, both in its own battles for status, and to individual players who might learn from us.

To persuade us to push a penis in and out of a vagina, nature invented orgasm. To persuade us to sacrifice our wellbeing for a screaming, shit-smeared infant, it made love. To persuade us to force mashed-up foreign objects down our throats, it evolved taste and appetite. To persuade us to engage in groupish, co-operative living, it conjured the obsessive joys of connection and acclaim. Follow the rules, and follow them well, and you can expect to feel great.

We all do this. It's in our nature. The urge for rank is ineradicable. It's the secret goal of our lives, to win status for ourselves and our game—and gain as much of it over you and you and you as we can. It's how we make meaning. It's how we make identity. It's the worst of us, it's the best of us and it's the inescapable truth of us: for humans, equality will always be the impossible dream.